SoakingIn

Update Please

So it's been a long time since I journaled and I felt the sudden urge to write something other than my research paper (not that I'm really writing much for that now anyway).

To start off, to vent to my online journal, I want to mention last night. There is no use in going into detail about it, because I know what I know and what I don't know I don't care to know (yeah, try following that one). Whatever happened happened and while I am not proud of myself for it, and while I feel horrible for putting people in a situation I know I would not like to be in (which I am greatful for), I learned from my mistakes. The anger I have towards myself for it, and the physical pain I am currently going through has made me realize that I will never drink that much again. I knew my limits, I just didn't know I had reached my limits. But that's over and done with, I feel better now, I can almost be ok with it and laugh at myself for it, there's nothing I can do about it now except use the information I gained in the future.

School is annoying the shit out of me. I hate classes, and I hate homework. I love Rose because of the people here and it sucks that Rose itself is keeping me from spending a lot of time with these people. I know that I am here to get a good education, and I am eternally greatful for the opportunity I have been given, but it sucks what you have to go through to get it.

I am questioning my choice for a career. Ok, questioning is the wrong term to use because I don't know what I want for a career, but I'm wondering if engineering is right for me. I don't want to spend my life in a cubicle, I would get bored off my ass. I don't know if I would even be good at engineering. I second guess myself a lot, random thought.

It was really nice the other night to talk to Kristen, it's been a while since I had true uninhibited "girl talk", although... everything I said to Kristen didn't necessarily stay with Kristen, which honestly doesn't bother me beyond the fact that it just makes me feel a tad uncomfortable/embarassed.

I am taking things one day at a time because I'm scared. I've always been scared of the future, because it means having goals, because it means having hopes and expectations. I don't want to expect anything because I don't want to be let down.

Other than previously mentioned complaints, things are good in the world of Anne. I'm really happy, I've been smiling a lot lately =). I could go into detail of why I've been smiling but
1. anyone who reads this probably already knows, and if they don't know me well enough to know something that simple, then maybe they shouldn't be reading my journal.
and 2. Then I feel sappy and corny for writing about being happy.

For now, I think I'm through...

posted by Anne @ 9:22 PM