SoakingIn

My Two Cents

Random thought, where did that phrase come from?

Anywho, this post actually has a specific purpose and it is not to disect the origins of common phrases. This post is two give my two cents, at least the parts that I remember, about relationships. As a note before I begin, relationships are not simply dating, I will be talking about friendships and other types of relationships as well. I hope that I do not come out sounding bitter during the course of this post because that is not my intention; my intention is just to write some of what I think. And #6 was the real incentive to write this post.

1. First and foremost, my relationships are mine and your relationships are yours. It is not my place to butt into other people's relationships when I am not wanted and I expect people to bestow the same curteousy on me.

2. Relationships, of all kinds, involve effort by both parties; relationships are not a one-way street. You cannot expect someone to be there for you, to be a great friend if you aren't that way to them. I have found, semi-recently, that I have several relationships with people in which I am the only person who tries in the relationship. I constantly fear of losing friends and it hurts once you realize that you are the only person who cares.

3. "I know that a life without love, is no life at all."
"And love without trust, what of that?" (Ever After)
I watched this movie earlier today and it was the final incentive for me to write this post. Relationships must have honesty and trust, no matter the type of relationship. You cannot expect someone to be honest with you when you, in fact, are not being honest with them. It is hard to sustain a relationship built, or strengthened, on lies or false truths. One thing I was taught as a child is that not telling the truth is telling a lie; you are intentionally misleading someone. It's extremely painful to find out that someone you thought you had a strong relationship with is intentionally keeping something from you. But trust is not based simply on not lying; there is a strong reliance on telling the truth. There are details about me that only those very close to me know because I am not the type of person to tell my dark secrets to everyone. I may talk a lot but that doesn' t mean I am spilling my heart and soul with every word. Your friends should be the people you trust the most; they should be the people you can tell your darkest secrets to without a second thought. I have told some of my darkest secrets and they have been spread to others without my consent; this has made me think more about who I can trust. There is so much I could write about trust but it all comes down to basic insticts and morals.

4. You cannot pick and choose when to be friends with someone; this goes along with relationships being a two way street. I have been in relationships where the other person moves from friend to friend, coming back to me and then moving along. You cannot expect me to wait for you and expect me to be ready and waiting whenever you want.

5. Boys often say that they don't understand girls and girls say that they don't understand boys; the truth is that we don't understand each other. Men and women are fundamentally different, of course we aren't going to fully understand each other. This leads to my next point, communication. I know that I am not coming up with anything new when saying that communication is key but I am emphasizing from personal experience the neccessity of communication. I have a rough time speaking my mind, especially when I think it is going to offend someone but I am trying to be better about it; and that's all anyone should expect out of me.

6. This isn't high school anymore.
Let me write a little about a situation I recently came accross, actually it's more or less background information that led to a comment that literally made me stop in my tracks. There is girl #1, girl #2, and boy. Girl #1 likes boy, girl #2 likes boy; boy likes girl #2. In a conversation with girl #1 we spoke about girl #2 and boy and the relationship that developed. Girl #1's comment: "but I knew him first"
You cannot lay claim to someone because you saw, talked to, knew, or whatevered first!
Just because you knew someone before someone else knew them doesn't mean that a relationship will ensue. As previously stated, relationships are two way streets - a relationship needs to develop because both parties want it.

7. There must be equality in relationships. An example for your enjoyment...
I have a temper, I am very good at controlling it with one provision: don't mess with my friends. Anyway; it is very hard for me to fully lose my temper but there are times when I am irritated and easily provokeable; these are the times that fights can occur. One thing that I have found is necessary for my relationships is that I need someone who will fight back. If I am not "put in my place" (for lack of a better term) I will continue to be a bitch. I used to fight with my dad a lot but he always fought back, every time, never failed. It may seem strange but I believe that it part of the reason I have such a strong relationship with my dad; because he didn't just put up with my shit and I didn't put up with his. With the exception of the parental relationship-details my dad and I have a relationship of equals.

8. Sometimes you can hear more from the silence of your friends than from what they say. When Sam and I were friends we understood eachother inside and out. I remember being at yearbook one day and getting a phone call from a restricted number and picking it up and just hearing breathing. Some people might have thought this was a prank call but I knew it was Sam, and that at that moment she needed a friend. She was the same way for me. This leads to the fact that sometimes you need to be there for your friends. When the world seems to hate you and you just wish that you could die, a simple hug can mean the world. Basically, be there for your friends.

9. Don't force relationships
I felt as though I was getting to sappy before. If something is going to happen then it is going to happen; you cannot force something that simply isn't there.

10. Trust; turst is a big one; and sadly a hard one for me. I have trust issues in relationships; romantic or otherwise. It takes a lot for me to fully trust a person and it can be difficult. But my trust issues are on a much deeper level than simple trust in a relationship. It's harder to explain than I anticipated.

I feel like I am beginning to ramble and failing to say things as eloquently as I would like to. There is a lot more I could write but it's not all coming to me at this moment and I should probably return to studying for my final eventually. If I somehow come up with more to write and I find the words to say it I will be sure to put it in here later.

posted by Anne @ 6:10 PM