Dream
I just had a dream that someone was trying to kill me.
Not that I thought someone was trying to kill me, but in my dream I was actually being killed.
Once I survived I started crying in my dream.
I woke up in tears.
Sorry
I'm sorry for being the way I am
Stress
I have a lot of things going on right now that I don't want to deal with. I'm not going into detail, or even just saying what topic they fall under; you're just going to have to trust that they are things I can't deal with. But in the few days it has been going on I have discovered several things. So while the situation may bite the big one, I'm learning from it and I guess that's the best I can ask for.
Notion
If you feel something so strong, it seems to me that you should express it
Count to 10
I'm calming down but still royally pissed off. I had planned on venting into this journal but I don't have enough energy left in me to do it.
As a note though, it's very hard to actually piss me off. I'm not talking adgitated or disturbed, but actually pissed off.
So congratu-fucking-lations to tonight's winner who managed to get that far under my skin.
*scowl*
I promise this isn't a song
I appologize that the last few updates have been songs or excerpts from songs but for some reason they all stuck in my mind and I felt the need to put them down on my virtual paper.
Anyway, I decided to actually update with some information before I head off to bed, rather early for me I know.
Zach left today to head back to Terre Haute after visiting me for just under a week, hopefully he enjoyed himself (despite me making it difficult (which I am truly sorry for and working to change)). It may be dorky but I miss him already and I'm already anticipating my visit to Terre Haute. It's not like me to put into something so public feelings so private but I can't stop thinking about him. Honestly, just a mere thought makes my heart feel warm and tingly and spreads a smile accross my face. I could go on and on but I'm sure no one wants to read about it and anyone who wants to know about it already knows. I wrote a post a little while ago about looking into someone's eyes and not seeing something, I see it now and it's the best feeling in the world. =)
Work's alright, minus the fact that the job sucks, the hours suck, and I'm not getting paid nearly enough. With everything that I may hate about the job though, it works for me. Because of the way the schedule is done and the amount of time I have worked there I basically have the ability to get the hours and schedule I want. This means that I can go out of town to Terre Haute if I feel the need, which I do coincidentally ;). At least I like most of the people I work with.
Friends are good, the Ashes got back in town recently and I need to go shopping with Linny to help her pick things out for college. I want to hang out with Ashley more but due to our schedules being polar opposites that doesn't happen too often. I actually think that it can be hard to hang out with people outside of work because of how much I work. Not just because of finding time to do it, but also because when there is time there's no guarenteeing that I will have the energy. I got to talk to Tess today too, I miss that girl and I am trying to convince her to come to Terre Haute the weekend that I will be there so that I can hang out with her.
I went running tonight for the first time in a while and remembered why I hate running. My legs don't get tired, it's not my hearbeat, I don't get cramps, it's my throat that stops me from running first. Anyway, I went running to wake me up because I was so tired but actually started to fall asleep while running so I ended up sprinting home, bad idea...
My sister's birthday is on Monday and she and the family are coming for dinner on Wednesday, which, unfortunately, is while I am at work. It's been a very long time since I have seen my sister.
Ever After is on TV, again, for the third time
today. I love the movie but I'm convinced that ABC Family is determined to get me sick of it.
Just Breathe
"And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to"
Feel Flows
Unfolding enveloping missiles of soul
Recall senses sadly
Mirage like soft blue like lanterns below
To light the way gladly
Whether whistling heaven's clouds disappear
Where the wind withers memory
Whether whiteness whisks soft shadows away
Feel flows (White hot glistening shadowy flows)
Feel goes (Black hot glistening shadowy flows)
Unbending never ending tablets of time
Record all the yearning
Unfearing all appearing message divine
Eases the burning
Whether willing witness waits at my mind
Whether hope dampens memory
Whether wondrous will stands tall at my side
Feel flows (White hot glistening shadowy flows)
Feel goes (Black hot glistening shadowy flows)
Encasing all embracing wreath of repose
Engulfs all the senses
Imposing, unclosing thoughts that compose
Retire the fences
Whether wholly heartened life fades away
Whether harps heal the memory
Whether wholly heartened life fades away
Whether wondrous will stands tall at my side
Whether whiteness whisks soft shadows away
Feel goes (White hot glistening shadowy flows)
Feel flows (Black hot glistening shadowy flows)
Feel goes (White hot glistening shadowy flows)
Feelings to grow (White hot glistening shadowy flows)
White hot glistening shadowy flows
