Option A: What the fuck? Option B: Oh my Fucking God!
You may choose your favorite title and insert it at the top of this bitter journal entry.
I am currently in DE class not taking notes, anyone who knows me knows that that is extremely hard for me to do. Well boys and girls, I found a few ways.
Option #1: Fuck with my friends
If you hurt my friends and then drag me into the fucking situation I am going to be pissed off. That's right, pissed off. If I see you on campus (if the you I am referring to even reads this entry) then you sure as hell better hope that I don't find you when I am alone because I can't be held accountable for whatever happens to you. You crossed the line again and again, in terms of strikes you reached a record breaking 10000, ass hole. I don't want you in my life anymore, or in anyone elses for that matter. You made your bed and now you have to lie in it, what you did contradicts common sense and common decency. I hope you're happy. No, I take that back, I hope you aren't.
Option #2: Graphically visually represent something that is already uncomfortable for me
So I realize that for 90-something percent of you reading this, option #2 makes absolutely no sense, well I don't give a fuck. I know what it means, and at least one other person does and that's all that matters to me. It's honestly no one elses business and I will personally decide who else gets to know about it. So you aren't too confused though I'll explain without any details. There are certain things that I don't want to think about because they make me uncomfortable. By giving me a graphic visual it makes the situation sooo much worse.
In dealing with #2 there are a few ways I can deal with it,
1. Try to ignore it
2. Stay bitter for a while
3. Change how I act and what I do (not how I react to this being SAID, but more how I react to it being DONE)
So fucking yay, it's 9:15 and I'm pissed off. This bodes well for the rest of the day. In dealing with option #1 there's almost nothing I can do. Keeping the bad apple around is not my decision but if I had my decision he would be gone. That's a situation I just want to be finished already.
I'm sure I made boy mad this morning by blatantly ignoring him and walking away while he tried to hug me and I do feel bad but at the same time I have too many other emotions inside of me to care. Not to mention the fact that thinking about option #2 makes me want to vomit. A few days ago I found the Japanese symbols for honesty and drew them on my wrist. This was to remind me that boy can't read my mind, so I can't say one thing but mean another; I have to be honest about it. Which means that I have to be honest about this.
Fuck
I'm really sick of coming up with titles
I'm not going to lie, sometimes I feel left behind
What I talked about last time
Well, I'm finally getting around to writing my post that I mentioned and good news for you, it's going to be pretty short, I'm going to cover the basics.
1. School
School is definitely proving to be more of a challenge this year than last year. I have considerably more homework and harder classes. I wouldn't go so far as to say ConApps will be the death of me but it's certainly going to be a challenge. Then there's tutoring: Learning Center and Sydney (the girl I tutor). It's nice helping people because I feel good about myself and it keeps me from fully forgetting things. There's also graph comm, which I love. I have a blast with the kids and I can't believe I'm getting paid to goof off for 3 hours. My first DE II test is coming up and I'm really scared so in the next couple of days I will be working pretty hard to figure that stuff out.
2. Love
There is no denying that the last few weeks have been more difficult than either of us would have liked but that by no means says that I'm going anywhere. In fact, the fact that I can be upset and not want to quit says something for me. Truth be told, in the past if I had a problem I was liable to simply say "fuck it" and walk away. I have no desire to leave Zach in any way, in fact, the longer I can stay with him the better. No matter how unhappy he thinks he makes me sometimes, there is no comparison to the level of pure joy I get the majority of the time (hell, I'm smiling right now). He mentioned something the other day about us and a business after graduation which I won't go into here but sounded freaking awesome. =)
3. Friends
Since my classes are very clustered, I work, and I don't live in New Res it makes it kinda hard to see some of my friends. I get to hang out a lot with Katie which is pretty cool, not gonna lie, she's a great person. I also have lunch with Natalie every day (although I wish we could spend a little more time together sometimes). Zach is going out of town this weekend so I plan to use it to write my paper, teach myself DE, and hang out with people I normally can't get a hold of.
4. Cool things
Let's see what I can come up with for this section...
- I have an interview this Friday with Catiplillar
- For Delta Sig, I was voted second for homecoming queen nominee
- I have a pretty new business suit for Friday (I got to see my mom when I got it)
- I used my new tea thing for the first time today
- I have a surprise for Zach that I hope works out the way I planned
- I am trying to get involved with Tech for the Rose play this fall
- The Learning Center overpays me
- I'm sure there are more and who knows, maybe I'll put them on later
So, this turned out to be longer than expected but who cares.
Updates
So, there will either be a very lengthy update coming up soon or not one at all.
New Pieces of Information
So, in the past few days I have learned the following pieces of information:
While I may think that boy is perfect for me, I am not perfect for him.
I want to be with him more than he wants to be with me (at least that's what he presents).
I am the difficult girlfriend I tried so hard not to be.
It's amazing that I'm falling into the same trenches that I thought I did a good job of refilling.
